the worst

I've been trying so hard,,
Unfortunately I can't stop this fear.
Fear of my own shadow from nowhere, fear of wondering, fear of making mistakes, fear of not being able to give the best, fear of losing the best, fear of anything with no reasons.
It's sickness, yes it is. Kinda an odd anxiety that leads to paranoid thoughts.
I wished I could solve this by having you, but I couldn't. Not yet, not this time.
Sorry for not giving my best, sorry for treating you badly, sorry.
You're the best. And I'm the worst.
If we have a chance, I hope to give you clarity in the future

#np "So I forfeit future tears of joy to save us both from pain"